News FeedReflecting on the Long Prison Sentence I Serve
I made the bad decision to sell cocaine when I was in my early 20s. That decision led me into criminal charges, indictments, convictions, and a 45-year prison sentence. Despite having no history of violence or prior imprisonment, my sentencing judge and the U.S. prosecutors wanted me to serve a significant portion of my life in prison. I had to deal with that reality, yet I always knew that I created my own problems.
Others with whom I was associated in drug trafficking received sentences that were only a fraction of the length of mine. Some of those people cooperated with the government in exchange for more lenient sentences, and others lacked the level of culpability I had as one of the leaders of the scheme. I do not blame or begrudge any of my co-defendants. As far as I have always been concerned, I created my own problems.
I do not agree that long prison sentences are appropriate for offenders who have no history of violence. My crimes involved only consenting adults, yet I serve a sentence that is longer than many predatory offenders. Yet the length of time that other people serve has no relationship to what is going on in my life. I created my own problems.
Now I am nearly 45 years old and I have more than 21 years of prison behind me; I still expect to serve more than three more years. The time I have served inside has not crippled my spirit. In fact, many people who know me would say that I have sailed through the sentence unscathed. That has been my intention, to serve my sentence with dignity and integrity. I strive to make every day count, to contribute to the lives of others, to add value to the world.
Naturally, I want to leave prison. During the many years that I have served I have been blessed with multiple opportunities. I earned an undergraduate degree from Mercer University and a graduate degree from Hofstra University. I published several books that have helped me build a wide network of support. Most importantly, I have built a thriving marriage with an exceptionally beautiful and talented woman. These blessings have given me much to feel proud of, and they encourage me for the life I want to lead upon release.
As a long-term prisoner, I have had to fight the urge to feel sorry for myself. By embracing the sentence, I could focus on how I wanted to respond to the problems that I created. Otherwise I would feel like a whiner, a cry baby in prison. I serve time with a lot of people who whine about how they do not belong in prison. To me, that seems like the wrong approach. I do not want to be remembered for the problems I created, but rather I strive to be recognized for the way that I have responded to the problems I created. Somehow, that approach empowers me, makes me feel less like a victim of the system and more like I control my destiny. It has been an adjustment pattern that works for me.
I personally find it a little insane to be serving a 45-year sentence on drug charges without any prior prison convictions. There are thousands upon thousands in our system serving less time for more heinous acts. Where is the justice in punishing killers and pedophiles with lesser sentences?