I meet many prisoners, however, whose wives did not sign up for a prison term, as Carole did. For them, the challenges are more difficult. Open communication and constant nurturing have worked for Carole and me. I am confident that the efforts we have made and continue to make to tie and link our lives together is what keeps our marriage strong.

Last year I read a career-building book by Marshall Goldsmith. Mr. Goldsmith is a well-known executive coach who wrote What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. In that book, the author suggested that the steps an executive must take to advance his career during the formative years differed from the steps he would have to take to reach the highest levels of leadership. In courses I’ve taught in prison, I frequently referenced Mr. Goldsmith’s work. I feel convinced that the lessons don’t only apply to career building, but to staining a marriage or relationship through the adversity of confinement as well.

Carole and I have thrived through seven years of my confinement together because we continuously work on understanding each other and fulfilling the needs of each other. During the beginning of our relationship, we both understood that we had to create stability. We worked together as a team to generate the resources necessary for Carole to earn credentials that would ensure her stability. We chose nursing. With that focus, we expected that we could always be close enough to nurture our marriage through visits, regardless of where administrators confined me. Carole is my family, my every breath.

Weekly visits would not be enough to carry us through the many years we had to serve. Through regular correspondence, meaning daily letters, we made plans together, measured progress together, shared dreams together, worked through problems together. I anticipated Carole’s needs and worked to help resolve them before she had to ask; I felt her commitment to do the same for me. These were the continuous investments each of us to do the same for me. These were the continuous investments each of us made to keep the passion, romance, and commitment alive in our marriage, despite our having to wait years to enjoy more physical intimacy than kisses under the bright lights of a prison visiting room.

What brought us through the first seven years of our magnificent relationship, however, differs from what we build now. We’re in the final stretch, and although we both continue to grow closer by anticipating the needs of the other, we’re also focusing more intently on preparing for the challenges that await my release. We’re focusing on building our savings. We’re focusing on preparing for my career rather than Carole’s career. We’re working harder than ever before.

The greatest blessing God has given me has been Carole’s love. I feel grateful for every second I have with her. My commitment to her and to our marriage is what drives and inspires my adjustment. It is the reason I exercise, the reason I devote so many hours to writing, and the reason behind the books I read. I feel a duty, an obligation to prove worthy of the love and commitment she gives to me. That can never stop. I will always strive to give her more. These are the strategies that allow our marriage to thrive through imprisonment.

The post Nurturing My Marriage Through Prison appeared first on Prison News Blog.

Readers with a spouse in prison understand the challenge of sustaining a marriage through imprisonment. Nurturing love over time does not happen by accident under any circumstances, but when imprisonment separates the couple, each partner must invest time, energy, and creativity to keep the romance alive. Carole’s total devotion to our family enriches my life in ways that negate the pains of imprisonment. She fulfills me, and she brings a love that liberates and inspires me to work toward becoming a better man. Carole is my reason for wanting freedom.

Other prisoners sometimes ask how I keep my marriage alive and growing while I serve a lengthy prison term. I give all the credit to Carole, as she carries the burdens of my imprisonment without complaint, helping me to focus on the reality that each day brings us closer to that magical moment when we will begin living together. I recognize that my imprisonment is much harder on her than it is on me. She lives in the world, without companionship or support, yet she works hard to help prepare for my release, and wakes early each Friday to relieve all of my problems with the freshness of her kiss. Carole has not committed a crime, but because of her love, she serves this sentence with me.

I don’t know how many months or years still separate me from living with Carole, but even though I’ve been incarcerated, her love has made these past years we’ve shared together the best of my life. With an eagerness and enthusiasm, I look forward to exceeding all of Carole’s expectations as her husband. I give her all that I have, all that I am, and all that I will become. Her love is worth it, and I look forward to marrying her again when I walk out from these prison boundaries.

The post Our Sixth Anniversary in Prison appeared first on Prison News Blog.

Throughout my prison adjustment I’ve thought about the steps I could take to earn a living after my release. I began serving my prison term when I was 23 and my lengthy sentence suggested that I would remain incarcerated until my late 40s. By working to educate myself I hoped to create opportunities that would lead to a meaningful life. The one thing I knew was that I would not want to return to prison once I was released. I made all decisions pertaining to my prison adjustment with hopes of preparing for the challenges that awaited me.

I had never been confined before, so I didn’t know what type of obstacles I would face. The responsibility would be mine to overcome them. My prosecution and imprisonment had resulted in the loss of all my belongings. I knew that meant I would leave prison without financial resources, clothing, or shelter. Now I am advancing to within three or four years of my release, and the economic crisis suggests many challenges await me.

I heard a commentator on CNBC announce that more than 24 million people were out of work in our country. Although economists predict the recovery is beginning, and we should resume growth in 2010, I still see reports of tent cities in Sacramento, Phoenix, Seattle, and other metropolitan areas. The unemployment rate for California is even higher than the national average, at more than 10 percent.

As a newly released long-term prisoner who does not have a work history, I may not find a job upon release. In fact, I’m preparing for that likelihood. Instead of searching for work, I’m trying to position myself for a career as a writer/speaker/consultant and teacher. My loving wife, Carole, helps me work toward this vision. We visit each week and together we plan for such a career.

Through my writing, Carole and I have earned an income that was sufficient to support her through nursing school. That was a plan and investment we made as a team to ensure our family would have stability. Carole works as a nurse now, and she will maintain the earning capacity to sustain our family as I work to establish my career.

Between now and my release date, I will work every day to enhance my chances for success. Soon I may submit another book proposal to my literary agent, as I want to have a new book ready for release when I walk out from prison boundaries. I must continue this prison adjustment of preparation, as I know the responsibility is mine to triumph over the challenges that await me. Carole is my inspiration, and through the work we do together, I feel confident that we will build our happiness to enjoy through the fall and winter seasons of our life. Our loving marriage is not an accident, but a deliberate choice we make each day.

The post Preparing for Happiness Through Adversity appeared first on Prison News Blog.

Jessica is a criminal justice student who asked several questions about my prison adjustment. I’ll respond through separate posts, but I begin with her questions about my marriage to Carole. I began preparing for my marriage to Carole many years before she came into my life. In some ways, it feels as if my entire prison adjustment was about preparing myself for love.

I entered prison when I was 23, and the sentence I received made it abundantly clear that I would serve many years inside. I didn’t know how long I would serve, but I knew that I wanted to adjust in a way that would make me a viable candidate to attract the love of a woman. I did not want to live alone. Knowing that, I thought about what I would have to achieve in order to overcome the stigma of my confinement. Those musings led me to commit to education, to fitness, to character development. Although I was locked in a community of men, I thought about the marriage I wanted and the kind of husband I wanted to become to the woman who eventually would come into my life. After 15 years of imprisonment, God blessed me with Carole.

She was my inspiration even before our romance began. Together we have created a story that empowers me to endure the challenges that complicate the lives of so many other prisoners. As the Second Chance Act shows, most prisoners lack the family and community support that Carole and I work so hard to build. We are a team, true partners, married in every way.

Because I have always been preparing for Carole, I’ve never considered a negative adjustment. She was always my pursuit, to live as a great husband to her. The complications of confinement of our life separate us physically, though our marriage brings us closer in other ways. Carole is an extraordinary wife, my inspiration to live as a better man. I strive to emulate her strength every day, as her commitment is a virtue I admire. I don’t know anyone who could walk in her shoes.

Prisons are dehumanizing not because of their physical conditions, but because of the emotional afflictions they induce. They cause unnecessary harm on families by erecting barriers that obstruct communications. Carole and I are prohibited from visiting more than once each week and rules limit us to fewer than 10 minutes of telephone time on average per day. Prisons have required that Carole and I overcome many obstacles, including several transfers. We persevere because of a commitment we make to nurture our marriage each day. Prisons do not facilitate family ties, we know, so we must work harder. We love with enthusiasm, each with a readiness to give more. That commitment is why our marriage thrives.

The post Maintaining A Thriving Marriage From Prison appeared first on Prison News Blog.

Carole learned about Congressional efforts to provide more funding to the prison system through her continuous scrutiny over all news issues pertaining to our lives as a prison family. She is a nurse and a responsible citizen, but since I am in prison, Carole considers it her duty to look after my interests. It is her opinion that rather than providing the Bureau of Prisons with another billion dollars, Congress ought to require prison administrators to implement prison reforms that would end the practice of warehousing humanity.

Carole understands that one step administrators could take to reduce bloated operating expenses would be to place more nonviolent, nonthreatening prisoners who have served substantial portions of their sentences in home confinement programs. She recognizes the absurdity of packing tens of thousands of prisoners in minimum-security camps. Such prisons do not have fences, and the people confined to such facilities could serve their sentences on home confinement while working or making contributions to society.

In the spring of this year, Senator Jim Webb of Virginia has called for panel discussions and hearings to begin explorations on prison reform legislation. Carole will alert the readers of Prison News Blog with all she learns about to Senator Webb’s hearings. In the meantime, however, I feel proud for the role she has taken in our legislative process by expressing her outrage at Republican efforts to provide another billion dollars to the Bureau of Prisons.

As part of the stimulus, Congress included $800 million in funding for the Bureau of Prisons, and President Obama’s initial budget allocates $6 billion to the Bureau of Prisons. I expect that the Director will be required to appropriate those funds in accordance with the vision for America that our new President has. As I told Carole during our visit last Friday, that funding may be necessary to launch new efforts that would expand the community confinement centers or home confinement program. Such expenditures could work in our favor.

Carole’s proactive efforts to bring me home are some of the ways she expresses her commitment to our marriage, and they are some of the reasons I feel so privileged to have her love. More family members ought to take an active role in the push for prison reform and the legislative process. 

The post My Wife Opposes Funding Prisons in Economic Stimulus appeared first on Prison News Blog.

The purpose of the presentation was a family day sponsored by staff at Taft Prison Camp for our youth outreach program known as TOAD. Generally, those in our TOAD group travel to schools in the area to speak with at-risk adolescents. Our sponsor coordinated this special meeting in order for our members to deliver our presentations to family members.

Our group included 15 members, each of whom would speak. We also had a few skits to perform, so no single member could speak for too long. As one of the group’s leaders, I had a few opportunities to speak, and each time I felt a sense of pride in knowing that the woman I love was in the audience. I look forward to the time when I will be free, and Carole will be able to attend presentations that I design and coordinate.

Besides family members of the TOAD group, several staff members from the Taft Prison Camp were present in the audience.

Following the group’s presentation, we mingled with others in the audience. I felt a sense of pride in having my beautiful wife beside me. I introduced Carole to my counselor and case manager, both of whom have been kind and supportive of me during my time at Taft. Two other case managers were present, and they appeared interested in the spectacular, though unusual, story of my marriage to Carole. One of those staff members asked a question that upset me, though I accepted it as part of the indignities associated with confinement.

The question that bothered me came from a case manager with whom I have not had a previous interaction. As she listened to Carole’s amazing devotion to our marriage, and her commitment to move around the country as prison administrators transferred me from prisons in one state to another, the case manager asked as if in judgment, “you mean you uproot your children to move around with him?” I felt anger at that moment.

The case manager was part of the system that wreaked havoc on many families. Her question suggested that she expected the prison experience to destroy our family, and that she was surprised to hear that Carole had refused to allow the system to interfere with our commitment to each other. Rather than point out the irony of a system that purports to encourage family ties, then expresses utter amazement when families overcome the obstacles imposed by the system, I expressed pride in the extraordinary family Carole and I have built. Long-term prisoners, in her mind, were not supposed to have beautiful families that were committed to each other. I felt proud to have Carole beside me, her love apparent, shattering that case manager’s perceptions of the failure prisons were supposed to foster.

The post A Prison Presentation For My Wife appeared first on Prison News Blog.

Walt Jones with his family at Taft Camp

term, could follow Walt’s example. Truthfully, the story I wrote about Walt did not do justice to the inspiring transformation he has had on others. One of the truly admirable qualities about Walt is that he first attributes his change to the inspiration he received from others, and to the commitment he made to his wife, Tomesha. Another prisoner, Tommy X, had been a mentor to Walt. Also, the Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan imbued Walt with a sense of duty and responsibility to make positive contributions to the broader community.

When I wrote Walt’s story, I emphasized his background as a young gangbanger for a reason. I wanted others who come from challenging environments to grasp that, regardless of their socio-economic struggles, they could set themselves on a course of leadership. Walt succeeded while serving time in some of America’s roughest prisons. As he liked to say when delivering his powerful testimony, he “turned jail into Yale, prison into Princeton.”

 Upon developing his reading and writing skills, Walt advanced to earn a marketable skill. He undertook an independent study course to become certified as a personal physical fitness trainer. Walt not only studied to learn about nutrition, anatomy, and the science of effective training techniques, he lived what he learned. Walt transformed his physique by shedding 100 pounds. He was committed to living a well-balanced life, with body, spirit, and mind working in harmony.

Those like Kara’s brother, who served time at the federal prison in Milan, needed a role model. Walt provided an excellent example of how a disciplined adjustment could lead to a better life. For Walt, the real role model was his childhood sweetheart, the mother of his children, his wife Tomesha.

Walt deeply regretted that as a younger man, the choices he made brought Tomesha into the vice grips of the criminal justice system. While she served her time, however, Tomesha lived as an inspiration for Walt. Through correspondence, she told Walt that he had to graduate from living as a thug; he had to develop the skills and values that would allow him to thrive as a man, as a proud provider for his family and contributor to his community.

Tomesha finished serving 10 years in prison, and she reached unprecedented levels of success. The adjustment she made while inside prepared her to find excellent employment upon release. During the four years since her release, Tomesha negotiated a mortgage that enabled her to purchase a home. She purchased a car. She supported Walt in every way while balancing the demands of a full-time career and rearing their two teenage children.

Walt felt extraordinarily proud of his wife and children. He was quick to credit what both he and Tomesha learned through their spiritual devotion to God and the teachings of The Nation of Islam. Walt served a higher purpose, and because of that, he knew that he would live the rest of his life as an honorable citizen. He welcomed every opportunity to help others reach their highest potential, just as Tommy X, Tomesha, and others had helped I’m. Perhaps Kara’s brother would find that same inspiration, and use it to emerge stronger from prison, just as Walt and Tomesha did.

The post The Inspiration Behind Walt Jones’ Prison Adjustment appeared first on Prison News Blog.

I left my cubicle at 3:05 this morning. The extraordinary visit I enjoyed with my wife yesterday took a lot of energy out of me, so I slept in a little longer than usual. The payment for those extra 30 minutes of sleep would mean that I had to sacrifice my morning reading time in order to meet my writing goal for the morning.

A storm was crossing California. I heard the wind howling outside of our sturdy housing unit and I knew my morning exercise would be a challenge. The weather conditions would not deter me. These types of obstacles gave me an opportunity to show the meaning of commitment. It was the same way I felt about waking early to begin my writing. I wanted to live as an example for my fellow prisoners, especially those who participated in the classes I taught or the groups I led.

Prison had the potential to debilitate those who lacked focus. Mistakenly believing that they could not make a difference in their lives while serving time, they overslept, they wasted hours with television, table games, and recreational activities. By leading a deliberate adjustment strategy, I strove to show my fellow prisoners how they could prepare in ways that would help them emerge stronger. They could become better husbands, better fathers, better Americans, and better neighbors. The more people I could help embrace such concepts, the more I felt that I could empower myself.

By 7:00 I completed my third blog article. I went outside in the rain and wind to run. I completed 10 miles, lifting my tally to 599 miles over the past 66 straight days of running.

When I returned to the housing unit I called Carole. We spoke for a few minutes and she relayed messages she had received from my web site. A professor from Michigan sent some questions and I was pleased when I heard that he had been a former prison warden who was using one of my books as a resource to teach college students who studied corrections. I appreciated opportunities to contribute to the education of others, and I felt a sense of accomplishment and meaning in learning that a former prison warden appreciated my work.

Generally, I sensed that, as individuals, many of the people who worked in corrections respected the deliberate adjustment strategy I chose and the efforts I made to prepare for success upon release. As part of an institution, however, they felt that they had to enforce the culture of confinement. Such perceptions led to the continuing cycle of failure through which I struggled daily to overcome.

In the afternoon I interviewed another prisoner I wanted to write more about, and I wrote a fourth blog. One of the newer prisoners at Taft camp had been taken to segregation. Rumors were ubiquitous that the reason was his violation of visiting room rules. I wrote a blog that emphasized the importance of exercising discipline during visiting; consequences were severe for those who stood accused of misbehavior in visiting.

Later I wrote a love letter to my wife, expressing how much I appreciated her surprising me with a visit yesterday. I was in my rack by 6:15 and asleep before 7:00.

The post My 7,861st Day In Prison appeared first on Prison News Blog.

Obviously, our marriage builds upon a deep love, a mutual respect, and a total commitment that Carole and I make to each other. What really holds our romance together, though, is the communication we share.

As we serve this sentence, we both recognize that prison administrators control aspects of our lives. On three separate occasions, those administrators have made decisions that totally uprooted our stability by transferring me from one prison to another. They have blocked my access to the telephone, stopped me from visiting, and locked me in segregation. Such interferences are a part of long-term imprisonment, though Carole and I share a strategy that seems to strengthen our love regardless of what complications outside forces bring.

We succeed and thrive as a couple because we bring a conscious order to our lives. Both of us know what we want and we commit to bringing our visions into reality over and over again. It is clear to us that prison administrators can bring rules or changes that disrupt our access to each other, but we can set goals that will advance us to the future we are striving to create together. These joint efforts bring us a confidence and renew our strength. My love for Carole grows every day, and I feel our lives grow more inextricable each day.

The romance and passion grows because of the deliberate efforts each of us must make to learn about the other. I am driven, obsessed with the goals I set to prepare for the challenges ahead. Carole’s natural disposition differs from mine, yet she tolerates the volcanic eruptions of what she calls my Tasmanian-devil outbursts with a calm, “you’re being unfair.” I know the contours of her face, and when I recognize the sadness my sharp tones can cause, I instinctively reach out to touch her. With those gestures, we restore balance and come closer together.

Carole and I may not live together, though we’ve created a family by setting small goals that each of us commit to achieving. Those efforts bring us closer to the higher goals, which include keeping our romance alive through many years of imprisonment, and preparing ourselves in every way for the magnificent marriage we will enjoy upon release. It is our commitment to communication, to each other, to our love that makes our marriage possible.

I’ve written in more depth about our history in the following articles:

Our Marriage in Prison

Love That Transcends Prison Walls

Falling in Love Despite Prison Fences

The post Celebrating Another Valentine’s Day in Prison appeared first on Prison News Blog.

We need prison reforms that will facilitate efforts by prisoners to nurture family and community ties.

One recent example concerns my young friend, Jeff, who serves time with me inside a minimum-security federal prison camp. Jeff is in his late 20s. He is three years into a prison term that will keep him incarcerated for seven more years. Jeff is the father of two children, Brandon and Priscilla. When Jeff began serving his sentence, he was not married to Gabriella, the children’s mother. Gabriella, however, stood committed to strengthening her family with Jeff. She wanted to marry him.

Prison administrators did not support the idea. He submitted his request through his counselor. The counselor then passed Jeff’s request on to the camp administrator. The camp administrator determined that with seven years remaining to serve on his sentence, Jeff had too much time ahead of him to marry. Administrators abused their discretion by denying Jeff permission to marry. Jeff felt discouraged by the news. As a man who lacked knowledge of the legal system, he did not know how to respond.

I heard about Jeff’s problem and offered to help. Although Jeff was unaware, I knew that the U.S. Supreme Court had made rulings that supported a prisoner’s constitutional right to marry. Jeff did not need permission from a camp administrator. As an American citizen, he retained the right to marry. The Supreme Court had found that inmate marriages were expressions of emotional support and public commitment. In addition, many religions recognized that marriages have spiritual significance. Finally, marital status was a precondition to the receipt of several government benefits, including property rights, and legitimization of children born out of wedlock. Thus, the Supreme Court held that inmates have a constitutionally protected right to marry.

We need prison reforms that erase a culture of confinement that blocks and obstructs family ties. When I began helping Jeff with administrative remedy filings to challenge the camp administrator’s abuse of authority, the administrators relented. After I helped Jeff file a series of objections to advance his argument, the staff granted Jeff permission to marry. Still, they did not make it easy. The chaplain at the prison, the counselor at the prison, and the case manager at the prison all tried to influence him. They wanted to convince Jeff that he was making a bad decision. With so much time to serve, they told him that his marriage was unlikely to last and that a marriage would only make his time more difficult. The chaplain chose not to assist Jeff. He instead instructed him to find a member of the clergy or justice of the peace from the local community to perform the ceremony. Only through continued administrative objections could Jeff obtain the chaplain’s cooperation in performing the wedding ceremony.

Jeff’s persistence enabled him to overcome the obstacles wrought by prison administrators to his marriage, though only prison reforms could help him nurture family ties. Policies introduced under President Bush’s misguided administration restrict federal prisoners from talking on the telephone for more than an average of ten minutes per day. Such unnecessary limitations require Jeff to choose between talking with his wife, his son, his daughter, and members of his extended family. The constraints preclude him from using his precious allotment of monthly phone minutes to build bridges to society by talking with friends and mentors.

With Jeff’s schedule of seven more years to serve, prison rules exacerbate the struggle for Gabriella. She is left to rear her children without the presence of Jeff in their home. Their children suffer. Meanwhile, as Jeff grinds his way through more than 2,500 additional days of confinement, existing prison policies will alienate him further from family and community.

We need prison reforms that will encourage prisoners to earn graduated increases in freedom. As a start, such reforms ought to allow prisoners to earn additional access to telephone time so they can nurture ties with family and community. Such prison reforms will facilitate offenders who strive to build networks of support that will help them transition into society as law abiding citizens. Prison reforms will lower recidivism rates and thus make society safer.

We need prison reforms now.

The post Prison Policies Block Families from Nurturing Ties with Loved Ones in Prison appeared first on Prison News Blog.