I meet many prisoners, however, whose wives did not sign up for a prison term, as Carole did. For them, the challenges are more difficult. Open communication and constant nurturing have worked for Carole and me. I am confident that the efforts we have made and continue to make to tie and link our lives together is what keeps our marriage strong.

Last year I read a career-building book by Marshall Goldsmith. Mr. Goldsmith is a well-known executive coach who wrote What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. In that book, the author suggested that the steps an executive must take to advance his career during the formative years differed from the steps he would have to take to reach the highest levels of leadership. In courses I’ve taught in prison, I frequently referenced Mr. Goldsmith’s work. I feel convinced that the lessons don’t only apply to career building, but to staining a marriage or relationship through the adversity of confinement as well.

Carole and I have thrived through seven years of my confinement together because we continuously work on understanding each other and fulfilling the needs of each other. During the beginning of our relationship, we both understood that we had to create stability. We worked together as a team to generate the resources necessary for Carole to earn credentials that would ensure her stability. We chose nursing. With that focus, we expected that we could always be close enough to nurture our marriage through visits, regardless of where administrators confined me. Carole is my family, my every breath.

Weekly visits would not be enough to carry us through the many years we had to serve. Through regular correspondence, meaning daily letters, we made plans together, measured progress together, shared dreams together, worked through problems together. I anticipated Carole’s needs and worked to help resolve them before she had to ask; I felt her commitment to do the same for me. These were the continuous investments each of us to do the same for me. These were the continuous investments each of us made to keep the passion, romance, and commitment alive in our marriage, despite our having to wait years to enjoy more physical intimacy than kisses under the bright lights of a prison visiting room.

What brought us through the first seven years of our magnificent relationship, however, differs from what we build now. We’re in the final stretch, and although we both continue to grow closer by anticipating the needs of the other, we’re also focusing more intently on preparing for the challenges that await my release. We’re focusing on building our savings. We’re focusing on preparing for my career rather than Carole’s career. We’re working harder than ever before.

The greatest blessing God has given me has been Carole’s love. I feel grateful for every second I have with her. My commitment to her and to our marriage is what drives and inspires my adjustment. It is the reason I exercise, the reason I devote so many hours to writing, and the reason behind the books I read. I feel a duty, an obligation to prove worthy of the love and commitment she gives to me. That can never stop. I will always strive to give her more. These are the strategies that allow our marriage to thrive through imprisonment.

The post Nurturing My Marriage Through Prison appeared first on Prison News Blog.

As I’ve described in previous articles about visiting rules, staff members are quite specific about how much affection prisoners can extend to their visitors. Carole and I have been nurturing our love through our visiting privileges since 2002. The rules authorize us to embrace and to kiss at the start and end of each visit. In all but two prisons we’ve been allowed to hold hands throughout our visit. Three of the five prisons where we’ve visited have allowed me to drape my arm around Carole during the visit.

Staff members are always present in the room when we’re visiting, but there are moments when we can feel comfortable in stealing an extra kiss. I should say that I feel more comfortable than Carole. She is really vigilant about observing the rules. We both cherish our visiting privileges, but sometimes I’m incapable of restraining myself and lean closer to kiss her, either on the cheek or on the lips. The kisses are never inappropriate as far as I’m concerned, as in the world, it is normal for a man to kiss the woman he loves.

I never allow my hands to wander inappropriately, and the extra kisses I give to Carole during our visits never amount to more than the affection I would express if we were in a public restaurant. The visiting room is the only place we can share together until my release, so I cannot behave in a way that could result in our further separation.

Other prisoners are not always so respectful of the rules. Carole and I have been visiting in three prisons where some prisoners regularly had sexual relations with their visitors. In one prison, the room was as crowded as a busy bus terminal. Four guards patrolled the room, and two surveillance cameras recorded the visits. Children were present. Despite the inappropriateness, we saw a man having sexual intercourse with his wife in a corner; we’ve seen women performing oral sex on their visitors as they hid beneath bobbing jackets.

When I transferred to minimum-security camps, we saw more sexual relations between prisoners and visitors. The guards sometimes caught prisoners in the act, and other times prisoners were caught because the family members of other prisoners reported the disrespectful behavior. No civilized person wanted sexual relations taking place where children were walking around freely, but some prisoners and their visitors lacked a sense of propriety. Last month, a former businessman who had graduated from an Ivy League school was cited for having sexual relations with his wife in the visiting room. Sanctions will keep him locked in segregation for a few months, and he will be transferred for disciplinary reasons to a higher security prison. He also will lose visiting and telephone privileges for several months.

The consequences for violating visiting rules sting. Carole and I do not place our visiting privileges in peril.

The post Sex in Prison Visiting Rooms appeared first on Prison News Blog.

As a prison family, Carole and I have had to cope with prison visiting rules since 2002. Our love and commitment to each other is strong, and we have learned to nurture our intimacy through words. Clearly, however, the rules sometimes interfere.

When my wife sits beside me, I feel an urge to wrap her in my arms, to kiss her, to touch her. Prison administrators consider such expressions of love as threats against the security of the institution. Despite Congressional findings as in the Second Chance Act that show close family ties can lower recidivism rates, prison visiting rules reflect the prison culture’s insistence that oppressive regulations serve the interests of society best.

Carole and I cope with the emotional struggle of separation by writing, talking, and taking advantage of whatever opportunities we have to share our lives together. We live as if in continuous preparation for the love we will create, make, and nurture upon my release. This conscious commitment has carried us through the past seven years, and we live in anticipation of our lives together. We’d be kind of like that couple in the 40-year-old virgin.

Not all prison families make it through the paralyzing rules of imprisonment. Many prisoners lose their families as a direct consequence of the physical separation. Administrators are indifferent to the emotional cruelty visiting rules inflict on prison families. Their expressed concern is security of the institution.

Some prisoners push the rules. They look for opportunities to grope or have sexual relationships. Some succeed, others do not. The penalties for being caught, however, are severe. Such sanctions will include a loss of visiting and telephone privileges. It is the threat of such sanctions that keep Carole and I vigilant in following visiting rules. Most prisoners try to do the same, though some cannot resist the human pull of attraction. If caught, they suffer the consequences.

The post Limited Intimacy in Prison appeared first on Prison News Blog.

Reforms must include both legislative and administrative changes. Members of Congress have passed laws that rely upon long-term imprisonment to punish offenders. That approach may satisfy a collective thirst for vengeance, yet high recidivism rates suggest the ancillary effects of prolonged incarceration fail to make society safer. The longer a person serves in the corrections system, the less likely that person will emerge as a contributing, law-abiding citizen. Besides passing laws that punish criminal behavior, Congress ought to pass legislation that would encourage offenders to reconcile with society. Too many prisoners serve lengthy sentences’ without hope.

Individuals who hail from disadvantaged backgrounds fill our nation’s prison system. Most are people who have felt motivated by the pursuit of immediate gratification for their entire lives. When confronting terms of years or decades, many prisoners lack the sustained will power necessary to consider, much less preparing for the challenges that will await release. As Congress passes stimulus packages designed to jump start the American economy, Congress could pass new laws that would motivate prisoners to work toward redemption.

The way laws now stand, prisoners feel as if they have no control over their futures. Only the turning of calendar pages matter in computing release dates. With those policies in place, many prisoners adjust poorly. Instead of investing the energy to educate themselves in ways that will help them find employment upon release, prisoners numb themselves to the pains of confinement. They waste hours each day with television, table games, and obsessive devotion to recreational activities. Rather than building resources that will help them emerge successfully, prisoners distance their thoughts from the outer society. Without hope of having any influence over release dates, many prisoners adjust to confinement in ways to help them forget their predicament.

Legislative changes could reverse the troubles that accompany prisoner apathy. Punishment should not be the only factor in the equation. Congress should implement new laws that provide offenders with mechanisms to earn their freedom through merit. Such legislation could come through the reinstatement of a parole board. Congress could create laws that would encourage prisoners to work toward advancing their release dates with measurable accomplishment. Achievement of educational credentials, job skills, or community contributions, for example, could gradually increase levels of freedom.

Nordic countries make use of ombudsman panels in their criminal justice systems. As I understand that system, a panel of citizens from the prisoner’s community evaluates the offender’s history. Together, the offender and the ombudsman panel establish a schedule the offender could follow through his imprisonment. They would design that schedule in a way that enabled the offender to make amends to society and to work toward re-entry. Through the more enlightened ombudsman system, the Nordic countries punished illegal behavior while simultaneously encouraging offenders to work toward becoming contributing citizens.

Besides legislative changes, real prison reforms would require administrative changes a well. We need policies that allow and encourage inmates to prepare for successful re-entry. Administrators place too much emphasis on preserving the sanctity of the prison system. Such policies come at the expense of programs through which prisoners could build stronger resources. Rather than creating obstacles that restrict inmate communication with society, effective prison reforms would encourage inmates to build and nurture ties with legitimate society.

Effective prison reform would eliminate restrictions on telephone and visiting access. They would implement e-mail systems that would allow prisoners to join the 21st century and interact with society. Administrators would encourage inmates to participate in work-release and community study programs while they served their sentences. Those prisoners whom administrators classified as minimum-security should serve their sentences in environments that would allow them to earn a living; they could pay for the costs of their confinement while simultaneously contributing to the support of their families or to accounts that would assist them upon release.

American taxpayers fund these human warehouses with $60 billion per year. Strong unions that represent correctional officers and lobbyists that represent businesses supplying goods or services to prisons urge the perpetuation of these failure factories. Yet with President Obama’s election, and a more liberal Congress, possibilities for meaningful prison reform are more likely than ever. Strategies to govern from the bottom up should not leave out America’s 2.4 million prisoners. We crave reforms that would allow us to work toward redemption and toward becoming a part of the mosaic that makes America truly a great and enlightened society.

The post Prison Reforms We Can Believe In appeared first on Prison News Blog.

I write from the perspective of a long-term prisoner. My time as a prisoner began in 1987, when I was initially confined inside the high walls of a United States Penitentiary. I was 23-years-old then, and Norm Carlson was the Director of the Bureau of Prisons. Since then, the BOP has expanded its population by a factor of five. With its shift toward more punitive policies, the system has become more violent and less likely to prepare offenders for law-abiding lives upon release.

A new Director who espouses President Obama’s vision would rely on more than threats of punishment to shape human behavior. Rather than extinguishing hope, as has been the policy of the current and past BOP Directors, a new Director of the BOP would implement policies that would encourage offenders to redeem their actions through merit and contributions to society.

As members of Congress stated in the Second Chance Act of 2007, the BOP’s own metrics show that strong family and community ties represent the most effective means to support successful re-entry for prisoners about to return to society. Yet Harley Lapin, the current BOP Director, supports policies that hinder those in prison from nurturing family support. One blatant example of BOP policy that deteriorates family and community relationships is the ridiculous limitations on telephone access. Federal prisoners cannot access the telephone for more than an average of ten minutes per day. Such limitations weaken family relationships. Marriages fall apart. Children lose contact with their incarcerated parents. Prisoners cannot use their precious phone minutes to build community ties without sacrificing family communications.

Visiting restrictions represent another flawed BOP approach to corrections. Rather than encouraging family members and supportive mentors to play an active role in the prisoner’s efforts to prepare for release, the current Director supports policies that frustrate and impede citizens from visiting with those in prison. Where I am incarcerated, for example, administrators implemented a strict points system that severely limits visiting opportunities. Each prisoner here is allocated only 20 visiting points per month. Prison administrators penalize prisoners and their families by “charging” 8 points for a Saturday visit and 6 points for a Sunday visit, and visiting on federal holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas “costs” 8 points per holiday. Such limitations make it impossible for me to build the network of support that I will need to overcome the challenges that will follow my release after more than 25 years of continuous imprisonment.

The current Director of the BOP sets policies that are designed to preserve the security of the institution. Rather than implementing creative, incentive-based programs that encourage offenders to work towards emerging as successful, law-abiding citizens, the current BOP Director embraces the failed policies of divisiveness. Those policies that strive to isolate prisoners from the values of America are diametrically opposed to the policies that President Obama supports.

To reverse the costly and destructive trends of high recidivism rates, President Obama should appoint a BOP Director who will abandon this flawed, architecture of human failure. Rather than presiding over an institution that warehouses humans and obliterates hope, a BOP Director under President Obama should set policies that motivate offenders to educate themselves. As former Chief Justice Warren Berger suggested, prison administrators should implement programs through which offenders can “earn and learn their way to freedom.”

Policies come from the top down. To realize the promise that President Obama so eloquently describes for America, we need a new Director for the Bureau of Prisons. We need a Director who will help, rather than block, prisoners striving to reconcile with society.

The post We need President Obama to appoint a new Director in the Bureau of Prisons appeared first on Prison News Blog.

Why did you decide to read this book?

My wife, Carole, sent me Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth. I chose to read the book for that reason. Carole and I have an unusual relationship in that I have been incarcerated for the entire duration of our marriage. We have never lived in the same house, or slept in the same bed, despite that we’ve been married for five years. Because of those complications, I deem it essential to build upon our intimacy through creative ways. One way is by writing to each other frequently, discussing our plans and constantly evaluating our progress. Yet another way is by reading books simultaneously and discussing them. Such projects give us the privilege of learning more about the other thinks.

Another project on which we worked together was Rick Warren’s book The Purpose Driven Life. I especially welcome the opportunity to explore spiritual teachings with Carole. As a prison couple, we must abide by all of the rules of the institution, which means that we have severe limitations on how much time we can spend on the telephone, and how much time we are allowed to visit. Reading a spiritual book together and participating in this opportunity to respond to the same questions allows us to know each other’s thoughts better, and the book spawns further discussions that bring the promise of more intimacy. Those are the reasons I decided to read this book: I wanted to build upon my spiritual awareness, and I welcomed the opportunity to work through a project that will bring me closer to my wife.

Are there specific areas of your life that you think will benefit from the lessons of A New Earth? How can you incorporate the book’s teachings in your life today?

Reading A New Earth will help improve my relationships and communications with others. I appreciated the lessons on what the author called our pain bodies. By understanding the connection between pain bodies and the ego, I will have more skills to recognize breakdowns in communications. In a later chapter, he suggested that we pause when our own pain bodies are activated. He also suggested that the first step toward overcoming insanity is to recognize the insanity. That same lesson can apply to our communications, as by recognizing the drive or motivation behind hurtful words helps us to give them the value they are due. We can disregard hurtful words when they are expressions of the pain body to further the ego. That lesson of understanding others is going to help my communications and interactions with others.

I can incorporate the book’s teachings into my life today in many ways. As a long-term prisoner, I’m also a teacher of others in my environment. I have taken extensive notes from the book, and I will use those notes to help spread the author’s message of peace, enlightenment, and the importance of expanding our consciousness to others around me. This work will enrich my life, my community, and contribute to this new earth we all must work together in building.

Think about the question on P.5: “Can human beings lose the density of their conditioned mind structures and become like crystals or precious stones… transparent to the light of consciousness?”

A) What makes you feel more alive and open, less dense, less bogged down by heavy thoughts and feelings?

I feel most alive and open when I am working in the moment, when I am not consumed with the rigidity of my life. During those moments when my mind drifts to the 20-plus years I’ve served in prison, to the five more years I’m expected to serve, and to all of the limitations my predicament imposes upon me, that is when I feel the most bogged down with heavy thoughts and feelings. To free myself I need to let go. I become less dense, more open, when I realize the blessings of my life.

For me, the key to staying calm throughout this adversity is to focus on empowering opportunities that I can enjoy now. I find fulfillment in my writings not because of what they may bring to me or prepare me for at some point in my future. Rather, I feel as if these efforts to communicate with others are bringing meaning to my life. The thoughts that go into each sentence have a life of their own. I know that through them, I am contributing to the thoughts of others, of people I have yet to even meet. I can find peace and comfort in the act, and hope comes with it for a broader reach, or more expansive connection with others.

When I am exercising, communicating with my wife, reading or writing, I feel as if I am totally in the moment. That means I can lose the oppression that has been a part of my life since 1987. The key to feeling stronger, and I believe in willing more opportunity into our lives, is finding gratitude in the blessings we have received.

B) Could this be the beginnings of what A New Earth is pointing toward?

Yes, I think the author’s message is that we should open our minds to possibilities of what we can become rather than accepting the concrete structures that others have poured. We need to be realistic about where we are in life, but we cannot dismiss optimism, enthusiasm, and passion for what we can become. As human beings expand their levels of consciousness and tolerance, we will give life to this new earth and realize more fully our connection with God and all of God’s creations.

Spend some time in the presence of something you consider beautiful-a flower, a gem, a piece of artwork. As you look at the object, try to see it without naming it mentally. When we appreciate beauty in this manner, a window opens into the formless and into a state of gratitude. See if you can experience that. Write your experiences here:

Every day I walk out of the concrete and steel building in which I am confined. After descending the stairs, I walk along a white concrete pathway that cuts across a lush green lawn. I come to a dirt running track and take my first steps on what is usually a ten-mile run. As I’m running, I completely lose sight and perception of where I am. During those moments I am not in prison at all. Instead, I am in the midst of God’s abundance and all of the blessings that God has bestowed upon me. I feel as if I am free during those exercise periods, as if I am exactly where I am supposed to be. That is the state of gratitude that carries me through every day, week, month, year, and decade of separation from those I love. Because I can see and feel so much beauty around me, I always feel a sense of empowerment, as if more will soon come my way and the way of those around me.

Do you consider yourself a religious person? What about a spiritual person? Is there a difference between the two?

I do not consider myself a religious person because I do not abide by the rituals or hold all the beliefs of organized religion. I find it inconceivable that God would not listen to a prayer because a person isn’t facing the “right” direction, because he hasn’t eaten the “right” food, or because he hasn’t work the right clothing. Similarly, I cannot believe that our all-loving God would condemn a person to a lifetime of damnation and torture. That seems preposterous to my understanding of love and forgiveness; frankly, it sounds much more like something that would have come from the cult of the Republican Party. Because I believe in a much more inclusive and tolerant love, my faith is much more “spiritual” than religious.

As a person who strives to build upon his spiritual awareness, I find many of the Eastern teachings more consistent with the faith inside of me. Culturally I feel Christian, and I find myself praying to both Jesus and God without distinction. Yet theologically, I know that my beliefs are not consistent with the teachings of Christianity. I am convinced that God invites and encourages many pathways to providence. Because I reject the concept of Hell and damnation, I cannot say that I buy into the religious doctrines of my youth. At the same time, I pray many times every day and feel God working within me. That makes me spiritual and eager to grow closer to God. The difference between religion and spirituality, to me, is that as a spiritual person, an individual is not limited to all of the rigid rules and dogmas and cults that organized religions dictate. The spiritual person strives to understand the oneness with God and rejects the judgmental approach of religions.

“Humanity is now faced with a stark choice: Evolve or die… If the structures of the human mind remain unchanged, we will always end up recreating the same world, the same evils, the same dysfunction” (p. 21-22).

A) Are you aware of this dysfunction?

This is the ocean of dysfunction in which I’ve been trying to swim since my imprisonment began. During my term of imprisonment I’ve read of so many world developments. I’ve read of Iraq’s invasion of Kuwait and the start of both Desert Shield and Desert Storm. I’ve read about the fall of the former Soviet Union and the Berlin Wall. In our own country, I’ve seen terrorists, both foreign and domestic, conspire to tear us apart. Recently I’ve read that more than 1 in 100 Americans are incarcerated and that the rate is more than 1 in 9 for blacks. We as a people have a dysfunctional infatuation with force, with hard power. Because of our intolerance, we see the structures of the human mind unchanged, and we recreate the same struggle, the same evils, and the same unhappiness.

B) Where is it most apparent in your own life and in the world?

As a prisoner, the love for hard power and control and rigidity is a part of my daily life. Administrators do not question whether it is right to keep a nonviolent, contributing person incarcerated for bad decisions he made more than 20 years ago; they say that justice requires more than five more years to pass. The concept seems absurd and ridiculous to me, a continuing thread of the rigid and dysfunctional practices of our so-called enlightened, kinder, and gentler land of second chances. It is in my everyday life that this dysfunction is most apparent.

In the world, I see it most apparent in the sphere of politics. Although our leaders are supposed to be advancing these thoughts and leading us to new and better lives, the leaders in power concern themselves with preserving the status quo. They thrive on perpetuating a system that brings about the same dysfunction.

C) Do you think humanity is ready for a transformation of consciousness?

Yes, I certainly feel as if we are in a time of transformation. I am especially optimistic with the hope that comes from the possibility of a Barack Obama Presidency. His leadership is inspiring our citizens to question the dysfunction that has become endemic to our society. As of this writing, he has not secured the nomination of the Democratic Party, much less won the White House. Nevertheless, the hope that he has inspirited is promising and I am confident that it shows humanity is growing more receptive to the possibility for this transformation of consciousness.

The post A New Earth – Chapter One: The Flowering of Human Consciousness appeared first on Prison News Blog.

Without direct access to the Internet or computers, I rely upon Carole to type the hundreds of handwritten pages that I write. Although she has a full schedule of studying to earn perfect grades in nursing school, Carole never neglects my work. It is because of my wife, and the financial support others donate, that I am able to focus on writing and prepare for the challenges I expect to follow my quarter century in confinement.

If every person in prison were so fortunate to have the love and commitment that I receive so freely from Carole, our nation would not suffer from such high recidivism rates. With a loving wife who devotes so much of her life to me, I am inspired to work hard every day. She makes me want to stay physically fit, to broaden my mind and improve my skills, to grow spiritually and emotionally. I commit to her every day, as I feel a deep need to prove myself worthy of the love Carole gives me. I know that this love does not come by accident. God has given me the incredible gift of my wife, yet it is my responsibility to work toward becoming the best man that I can become. She deserves all that I can give, because I know that every day, she is giving me all that she is and all that she can be. I am grateful, and I want the world to know of the gift I have in her love.

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